Just A Bike

So this thing sold out way faster than anyone with common sense would have expected… 

This “totally-not-a-bike” masterpiece may look like a regular two-wheeled childhood memory, but don’t be fooled. This is a portable dominance machine. A confidence cannon. A rolling declaration of “I’m done tolerating nonsense.” Hop on, pedal with purpose, and start circling that problem human like a majestic shark that pays taxes and refuses to lose. Spin slowly. Maintain eye contact. Establish the vibe. Let them know you are not here for reasonable discussion; you are here for theatrical authority and cardio.

Is it practical? Questionable. Is it mature? Absolutely not. Is it incredibly effective in the most ridiculous, petty way possible? Without a doubt. Enjoy your purchase, champions of chaotic energy.